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chris vs life -round 26-

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[25 Jan 2005|04:02am]
if any of you have a spot on My Space. hook me up with a name or something...
2 watched and whispered as | the seasons failed

=it knew me? [20 Jan 2005|12:10am]


You Are 26 Years Old



26





Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.


the seasons failed

it kicks ass to be me. someone who had potential to be anything is alone and nothing- [19 Jan 2005|04:52am]
[ mood | geeky ]

i got fired today-

tomorrow i will go and try to collect unemployment-

what a feeling..... ever contimplated the last resort senario? like hey... i'll join the military, and fight for america!!! uh..... no, but a last resort exception in my book. lets see what else is there? i could just move to no where and start all over.

umm no other updates. i don't do anything anymore. i hang out with tj pretty often. i went to a party not to long ago... and how nice of those girls to spark the crave in my mind.

i've been smoking alot recently. atleast once a day- getting high is my only recreation of recent months.

i'm in a bad way and in a bad place. i'm looking forward to a change.


----------------------------------------------

Piece by piece
I release
Once was mine
Now undone
Turned blue
like New Orleans
And went down like
A southern sun

I still feel you
Beneath my skin
I am tempted
To throw my senses in

Cos it's easier to fly
Than to face another night
In Southern Sun
And your love is all around
In the air to set me free

Piece by piece
I release
Once was mine
Now undone
Turned blue like New
Orleans
And went down like
A southern sun

I still feel you
Beneath my skin
I am tempted
To throw my senses in

Cos it's easier to fly
Than to face another night
In Southern Sun
And your love is all around
In the air to set me free

Set me free

You last like a song
I'm deflated
I am pieces on the wind
Unrelated

Cos it's easier to fly
Than to face another night
In southern sun
And your love is all around
In the air to set me free

Cos it's easier to fly
Than to face another night
In southern sun
And your love is all around
In the air to set me free

the seasons failed

[13 Jan 2005|09:49pm]
!FLA VA FLAVVV!
the seasons failed

[12 Jan 2005|04:14am]
[ mood | nickled slot eyes ]

i was going to update.. but i don't feel like blowing shit up and making believe that my life is so much worse than others.

heres an update-

modest mouses' music is better than god-


Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day, to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.

Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well float on maybe would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head to the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The day's get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't got anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know that starting over is not what life's about.
But my thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.

the seasons failed

[11 Jan 2005|04:13am]
[ mood | high ]

I was in heaven
I was in hell
Believe in neither
But fear em as well
This one's a doctor
This one's a lawyer
This one's a cash fiend
taking your money
Back of the metro
Ride on a greyhound
Drunk on the Amtrak
Please shut up
Another rider
He was a talker
Talking about TV
Please shut up
This one's a crazer
Daydreaming disaster
The origin of junk food
Rutting through garbage
Tasty but worthless
Dogs eat their own shit
We're doing the cockroach yeah
Doin the cockroach yeah
Doin the cockroach yeah (alright, not bad) (x3)
One year
Twenty years
Forty years
Fifty years
Down the road in your life
You'll look in the mirror
And say, "My parents are still alive."
You move your mouth
You shake your tongue
You vibrate my eardrums
You're saying words
But you know I ain't listening
You're walking down the street
Your face
Your lips
Your hips
Your eyes
They meet
You're not hungry though
Well late last winter
Down below the equator
They had a summer that would make you blister
Oh my mind is all made up
So I'll have to sleep in it

the seasons failed

[09 Jan 2005|04:34am]
[ mood | drained ]

Something for the pain
inside me
that will never die

The pain inside me
that will never die

My heart bleeds
look at you
hiding
all the things
you endure me

I need you
here with me
breathing
wanting you
to believe me

Something for the pain
inside me
that will never die

The pain inside me
that will never die

I see you
in all of these faces
blush with shame
when I think of you

and your pale skin
I sell my soul for you

Hush Hush
never enough
never enough
Hush Hush
never enough
never enough
Hush Hush
never enough
never enough
Hush Hush

The pain inside me
that will never die
The pain inside me
that will never die
The pain inside me
that will never die
Something for the pain
inside me
that will never die....

the seasons failed

[18 Dec 2004|04:08am]
[ mood | awake ]

and we continue to chase the sun
only to burn up both our hands
and we will find out what's to know...
in warning winds the truth will blow

you might find I'm feeling all the guilt
dragging out the hours, all decieved
well, both are harmless and haunting to me
now remember your heroes
as a cancel out zero
like you were young again

a man you haven't seen in years
ressurecting your deepest fears
returns a favor unto himself...
by turning us the other cheek

Your
just
a
coat
of
red
in
hell.

Tired of turning us away

you might find I'm feeling all the guilt
and now remember your heroes
as a cancel out zero
you were never the one to break away

dragging out the hours, all decieved
and now remember your heroes
as a cancel out zero
you were never the one
you were never the one to break free

you turn your eyes to gray
you turn your eyes away
you

you're another coat of red in hell.
kill this child to make sure I've raised him well.

you're another coat of red in hell.

you're another coat of red in hell.
kill this child to make sure I've raised him well.

you're another coat of red in hell.

you're another coat of red in hell.
kill this child to make sure I've raised him well.

you're another coat of red in hell.

on a concrete road to recovery
cause I'm knocking over every cone
in front of me.

on a concrete road to recovery
cause I'm knocking over every cone
in front of me.

the seasons failed

[09 Dec 2004|06:12am]
[ mood | ------------------ ]

I taste death in every kiss we share
Every sundown seems to be the last we have
Your breath on my skin has the scent of our end
I'm drunk on your tears, Baby, can't you see it's hurting

Mmhhh mmmhhhh

Every time we touch we get closer to heaven
And at every sunrise our sins are forgiven
Uh.uh
You on my skin this must be the end
The only way you can love me ist to hurt me again
And again
And again
And again

Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips
Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips

Oh the taste from your lips, my Darling
Taste from your lips, oh my Love

Only inside I'm free
I'm tired of waiting
You've got to let me dream
Inside Baby
I'm not afraid to feel
I want your to love me
Cause you are the one
Cause you are the one
Cause you are the one

Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips
Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips

Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips
Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips

the seasons failed

[06 Dec 2004|03:21am]
[ mood | high as fuck ]

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, is the best thing that has ever happened to me!

the seasons failed

[05 Dec 2004|11:02pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

Now I'm gonna let it show
You've got me down
But I won't stay low
I'll make my point
I'll rub it in
I'll watch you slip out of your skin

You're no big deal
Out of style and out of class
Know what I mean
Your name will never last

I can't wait 'til I get back
Into action and attack
Doesn't matter what you say
Hey, what's your mission anyway

You're no big deal
Out of style and out of class
Know what I mean
Your name will never last

You're no big deal
Out of style and out of class
Know what I mean
Your name will never last

You're so afraid of losing it
But you're more afraid of showing it
No good manners, no social skills
Just vanity and overkill

You're no big deal
Out of style and out of class
Know what I mean
Your name will never last

You're no big deal
Out of style and out of class
Know what I mean
Your name will never last

the seasons failed

[01 Dec 2004|02:07am]
[ mood | tired ]

so i'm back from atlanta. i fuckin miss that place.
i think i may just move back there and forget all this other nonsence.

long drive... a really long drive.
i did get to see the jagermeister tour headlining was slayer (mmm okay, metal gods so i'll give it to em)
but i was there to see mastodon and killswitch engage (fucking amazing, both of them)
and the opening band was some band called the five L's. not so good.

show starts off with the five L's and they were booed and cursed on till there ending song.
mastodon came on next... and if none of you have listen to them yet i highly suggest you to stop what you're doing and go listen to them, find them, buy there stuff... any means necessary to get your mind linked with thier music. (side story) i use to hang with the lead singers little brother Daren when i was growing up.. all i remember of Troy was him coming downstairs and getting pissed off at us and telling us to get the fuck out of his house. i think we were drinking and watching something like the rejected, and this other movie called subberia (not the bullshit that came out in the 90's with the kids getting thier panties in a twist because one of thier friends made it in a shitty band and they didn't do all with themselves) this movies is about gutter punks and thier funny, but shitty lifestyles... okay side stoy done) anyway the other guys work at a place called elmers and well the rockstar use to work at the darkhorse, but not anymore... he went in there and was like what kind of free shit do i get? and they were like we'll give you some pbst blue ribbion and others like it, and he got pissed and wrecked the place needless to say he doesn't work there anymore. and another works at junkmans daughter. but fuck man... the band is fucking insane... a must for anyone who has taste for good music!
SO GO CHECK THEM OUT! http://www.mastodonrocks.com/

killswitch engage came on after they did. they (p)owned me BT!!
jim and i went in the pitt full force... i threw my hoodie on and just went in.... amazing show.. i've got some pictures of the show... but i'm affraid they will come out shitty... which it really dosen't matter cause i left the camera down in my brothers room. oh and of all things that could have been lost jim lost the hat that jim from pennywise gave him... he's so pissed about that... it was a gift, and now some doushe out there has it and has no idea about it's ...whats the word i'm looking for?symbolisim? no... meaning.. fuck i don't know... whatever. it holds alot of personal value to him. and not to the new owner... after killswitch then slayer came on... they kicked ass but i'm not a huge fan... but i know where respect is deserved and they deserve it.

lets see what else happened while i was down there. nothing much i got high and drunk a few times. went to mjq's which on weds they do up this 80's whatever up to date type stuff. whatever if you'r ever in atlanta it's where all the scene kids go on wed nights... they play shit like the killers stuff like that.. good stuff. and lots of really hot girls that would never give a guy like me a time or day \m/

oh i got a 24 hour stomach virus that had me hugging the toilet probably 8 or 9 times during the evening and through out the night. which i don't mind throwing up. i just don't like it when it's that fucking bile shit.... that stomach acid. i have no food in me it's going to burn and make you love life mouth opening and stomach turning spin. it hurt and now it's over so i'm good again.

i love having this back, but i'm affraid i've been gone for so long now that i've lost alot of what was gained... like aquantences are gone.. and probably wouln't be back.. but atleast i know the a few are still around. \m/ i want to give a shout out to bobbi! to bbbbbbbbbbbbbbrian, and to KC. even though i haven't talked to kc yet. she has tried to talk to me.. it's just been bad timing on my part. oh and my little future wife amanda.... or my uhh soon to be a victim of a sex crime (me being the victim) ahh whatever. i'm going to go smoke and then find something to pass out to.

good night.

p.s. i need to get photoshop back on here so i can make new icons and such... ohhhh how i miss it all.
good night.

2 watched and whispered as | the seasons failed

[23 Nov 2004|04:17am]
[ mood | high ]

Spinning further, deeper
I know you're out to try me
I'm not in this to be a slave
Push the dirt, make me feel
Locate what swallows life
Night bird you build my world

..and then I close my eyes
..and then I close my eyes

Judge me now
Used to be afraid to let it show, bow down
Trusting in my own mind
Now everything's in place so much brighter from today

Drown the monster
Make all bad dreams go away
Whatever it takes to keep your hands free
Open scares, the quiet place
All the bridges fall to the ground and you say you sacrificed

..and then I close my eyes
..and then I close my eyes

Judge me now
Used to be afraid to let it show, bow down, bow down!
A king in my own mind
Now everything's in place so much brighter from today
A king in my own mind

Judge me now
A king in my own mind
Judge me now
A king in my own mind

Judge me now
Used to be afraid to let it show
Bow down, bow down!
A king in my own mind
Now everything's in place so much brighter from today
A king in my own mind

the seasons failed

oh.. it pains me to be this awake [22 Nov 2004|06:10pm]
[ mood | awake ]

People like you
You live in a dream world
You despise the outside
And you fear you're the next one

It's in your dream
There's just one question
Should I kill
Or should I be left behind

Sick and tired
Of all your complaints
This is the hour
We bring it down

I've come to realize
Every little glimpse, you fade
I was told that I could fly
When least expected, cloud connected

You seem to be
So introverted
How come we fail

You crossed the line
You remember my name
Time runs backwards
As we're heading that way

I've come to realize
Every little glimpse, you fade
I was told that I could fly
When least expected, cloud connected

Cloud connected

I've come to realize
Every little glimpse, you fade
I was told that I could fly
When least expected, cloud connected

I've come to realize
Cloud connected
I was told that I could fly
Cloud connected

the seasons failed

[04 Jun 2004|03:40am]
[ mood | lonely ]

[Seether]
(Verse 1)

I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain …away
I keep your photograph
And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

[Seether & Amy Lee]
(Chorus 1)

cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

[Seether]
(Bridge)

You've gone away
You don't feel me here....anymore

[Amy Lee]
(Verse 2)

The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

[Seether & Amy Lee]
(Chorus 2)

cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

[Instruments]

[Seether & Amy Lee]
(Chorus 2)

cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

[Seether & Amy Lee]
(Chorus 1)

cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone [Seether]...away

[Seether and Amy Lee]
(Bridge)
You're gone away
You don't feel me here....anymore

the seasons failed

-vessel- [28 May 2004|02:16am]
[ mood | lonely ]

okay first-

my computer is fuckING garbage!

to many porn sites visited i guess... it about time to throw this thing out the window.

okay lets see... i'm going to be visiting atlanta again... i'll be leaving on the 11th, and coming back on the 16th of june.
one of my cousins is getting married. i'll be totaly honest- i don't care really. i wouln't be expecting her or her new husband to be at my wedding... not sure if any of them will get an invite from me when i settle-

natural born killers is on, great fucking movie. malerie knocks (if i spelled that right) is about to own those rednecks up in that dinner. how fucking hot is that whole scene. oh and plus L7 is playing!! \m/ i love girls who play rough, but are soft and beautiful with thier men.. if that makes scence.

no wonder i'm not with anyone-

yummy keylime pie!!

okay i also went and saw my P.O. this past tuesday... i took my last drug test, and she said to call her on the 25th of june and ask her over the phone for her to fill out my relese forms... i still haven't done anything yet. like smoked weed or done anything else. even though i'm surrounded by it still.
lets see. three guys i work with sell. and not small amounts so to speek either. they were talking about getting a pound the other day. umm i know one deals with mainly pills, the other weed, and the other with whatever you want. so i have total access. i can't say i miss it, but i do at the same time. i like feeling relaxed or out of my mind. i like feeling like superman. when i use to do coke... every insecurity i had dissapeared. i was convadent in everything i did, and with everything i said. when i was high on weed.. i was relaxed and filled with retarded bursts of laughter.. but i have been sober for about a year and a half now. and i feel better because of it.. hmm but i don't know. coke is out of the question.. i've told everyone to keep it away from me. out of respect.. weed i don't care about really. i'll probaby do that every so often, and if i buy any it'll be just to smoke it there on the spot... not to drive back and forth from township to township. hmm okay enough of that talk... it's rather boreing if you ask me. yeaaa drugs. fuck drugs. but you love em anyways!

i want to go to art school!! i need it around me! i need it in my life. my live journal picture. it's kinda shitty, but it's a concept i want to paint. i'll hold onto itso that i can paint it one day. but if you look close enough it's me (a guy) looking in the mirror and behind him only in the mirrors world is a second me(man) hurting, chocking stabbing something to kill the vanity.. and thats it. i see it two ways really. one is the death of vanity, the other is the defeat alot of us put on ourselves when we see our own beautiful refelections. it's important to see things other than for what they are... and why shouldn't we see our demons casted in the mirriors....

so art school in the near future. lets see my sister went to prom today. she looked great!!

i got my blindside shirt in the mail today!!
it's grey and it has the picture of an angle under the sleeve of the shirt. i like it alot!!

tomorrow after work there is a graduation party from coledge for some people that i don't know going on... (run on sentence man!) anyway i'm going to that, i'm going to get logged on and i'll poke fun at people weeeee

okay i'm going to fall asleep to this movie now.
just thought i would try to update and say a few things while i was at it.

i'm not around much anymore, and i feel like i'm half losing contact with people-

2 watched and whispered as | the seasons failed

[23 May 2004|03:01am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

let me first start off by saying, I LOVE DRINKING!!!!

i've done the whole drinking and driving thing. lets see once was from the bar over to aprils house- it was fun. but once i was there i drank more so on the way home from aprils house i was wasted. i mean i couldn't see think or walk straight. composure is a lie. hmm i made it home but barrley made it up the stairs into my bed. yeah i drove fast and slow and i almost passed out twice while driving home on the dark hollows of route 18. went off the road twice and weee i lived. other times a more recent driving home from the bar following cheryl and tony back to there place after a good night of drinking. i reached down to grab a cd or some shit. anyway no big deal if you swerve.. but not when you are on a two lane road, and the oncoming car is not suppost to be that close to you. so i waited for awhile till i attempted to listen to that cd that night.

i bring it all up because.. i'm watching this hbo show called smashed: toxic tales of teens and alcohol.
these kids are fucked, and i don't say that lightly. i mean they are fucked. brain bashed in faces swollen, skulls being opened up, staples in the back of the head from a wound that looks like a gun shot. i can say i feel bad for the guys.. but not really. like watching this 15 year old kid trying to talk agian. what the fuck is that all about. the one so far that kinda fucked with me was when this girls mother was talking about her daughter who is ruined. i mean she learned how to talk and walk again, but not good enough to get a job. anyway her mother started talking about her smile and got all emotional. when they showed the picture of this girls smile, she really did have a beautiful smile. and she'll never smile like that agian, because half of her lips can move as well as the other side. whatever this is messed up...

anyway- i'm gonna finish watching this-

oh and watching all this gore always brings up this line i remember from hed(pe)
and it's: i was raised on tv, pain and death don't mean shit to me.

how true is that line to so many of us. i swaer we are immune to so many things now. i can honestly say that i am immune to almost everything... i think love is the only thing i am not immune to.

like watching peoples heads be sawn off, or gun shot blasts to the head, dead bodies, hahaha skaters falling down and breaking thier faces on the ground. for the most part none of these things effect me, and there is something wrong with this... cause my mom said it to me the other day.. she said that i'm full of heart and that i try to hide it... and i am god damnit... but for every action theres a reaction, and some how i've grown into this. we'll see one day- cause i do love alot, but i don't have alot of compassion for the anonymous person- like this fucking 15 year old kid who is bitching and whining to his mom about not giving up the name of the kid who got him beer. fuck that little shit, maybe he should have died.

hmmm okay enough i run off topics all the time.

i suck
thank you

1 watched and whispered as | the seasons failed

[07 May 2004|01:33am]
[ mood | curious ]

Pack up
I'm a stray
I'm not
Oh say say say you'll
Say say say you'll
Say say say you'll
Say say say you'll
Say say say..


Wait.
They don't love you like I love you
Wait.
They don't love you like I love you
Maps...........
Wait.
They don't love you like I love you


Made off
Don't stray
Well my kinds
Your kind
I'll stay the same


Pack up
But don't stray
Oh say say say
I'll say say say..

Wait.
They don't love you like I love you
Wait.
They don't love you like I love you
Maps...........
Wait.
They don't love you like I love you
Wait.
They don't love you like I love you
Maps...........
Wait.
they don't love you like I love you

Wait.
They don't love you like I love you
Wait.
They don't love you like I love you
Maps...........
Wait.
They don't love you like I love you
Wait.
They don't love you like I love you
Maps...........
Wait.
they don't love you like I love you

the seasons failed

[30 Apr 2004|09:10am]
[ mood | passsssssive ]

bye

2 watched and whispered as | the seasons failed

[30 Apr 2004|01:45am]
I think I've stayed for the last time, goodbye
Hope is so much closer to beauty than sorrow
I think I'll leave and leave self pity to die
Reflection is always brighter than shadow

Please come closer
Cause I don't even touch you anymore
Please see I'm walking in to the eye of the storm
And I'll still come out loving you even more

Love is in the air tonight
So just breathe

You made sure the atmosphere was thick tonight
So this is where it begins and where it ends
With a crack in a dark sky piercing light

Please come closer
Cause my heart doesn't touch yours anymore
Please see I'm walking into the eye of the storm
And I'll still come out loving you even more

Love is in the air tonight so just breathe
Breathe my spirit breathe
Love is in the air tonight so just breathe
Breathe my spirit breathe

leave, leave now and don't look back
leave, leave now and don't you look back

Please come closer
Cause I don't even touch you anymore

Please see I'm walking in to the eye of the storm
And I'll still come out loving you even more

Please come closer
Cause my heart doesn't touch yours anymore

Please see I'm walking in to the eye of the storm
And I'll still come out loving you even more
the seasons failed

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